In my state of continued mild addledness I thought it better to get the nice warm bus to work again today. What a woeful error, for the more you use the chav wagon, the more chance there is to be infuriated by one of the morons that use them. Today my luck failed me again and I was forced to deal with a crazy old woman, you know the type, gets on the bus, mutters to themselves for the whole journey, blunders about like they own the thing always gets a seat in the end as people shuffle to the other side of the bus just to avoid a conversation.
She started in good form barging onto the over crowded bendy bus and insisting that we all get out the way, because:
“You have to touch in you know, I just need to touch in please, can you move, I need to touch in cause I have to pay”
“Alright already we get it you want to pay, well done, very public spirited of you, even if a little fucking annoying! Thing is, I’d love to move but there is not much room. Tell you what let me just pop this pram out the window, probably shattering the child it contains, so there is room for me to move into, how’s that for you?”
After dispatching the child to it’s death/contorting my body out the way, she touches her clearly invalid oyster card on the reader and pays nothing at all. All that bloody fuss for nothing, Hag.
Having shifted myself out the way I rather expected her to now go back to where she came from so I don’t end up with a twisted spine at the journeys end. How wrong I was, for it seemed she assumed I was making room for her to store her capacious posterior in the space I was bloody standing in not two second previous.
This won’t do, this wont do at all. A mild shove in the lower back gets her to move just enough so I can at least stand up again and see just enough of my book to carry on reading about the sorry tale of Mademoiselle De La Vallière. Only I can’t, as, not content with causing me physical discomfort, now I have to suffer listening to her inane jibber jabber as she mutters to anyone who dares made eye contact, apparently:
“Time looks after it’s self”
Does it now, that’s an interesting idea, a non sentient temporal thing is able to cognitively care for it’s non-being, or something? Is that what you really mean, because if true this could be ground breaking news! Oh no it seems not:
“I used to wear a watch, but I don’t bother now”
Fascinating stuff indeed, no really, here was I thinking we maybe had a new branch of chronological study but in fact you were just letting the poor woman who had the displeasure of standing next to you that you don’t wear a watch.
Dear god is this the most interesting thing you have to mutter about, the fact you don’t wear a watch? You are clearly insane so you needn’t be bound by the usual constraints of public transport chit chat, i.e. it’s verboten at all time, can’t you at least give us something interesting to be forced to listen to? Maybe something about the impending arrival of end of the world and events of Ragnarök that will soon envelope us all, or maybe some tale of how the real rulers of the world are small beavers dressed as children who control bankers and politicians using the power of hypnotism.
Honestly crazy people these days are not what they use to be.