Category Archives: 2 – Apoplectic

How about I just jam my fingers in the socket?

So I live in a flat, a flat that’s in lovely Londontown, as such it’s got this wonderful new thing plumbed in. The awe inspiring amazement that is electricity! It’s a great thing, you can do all sorts of things … Continue reading

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Do you mind if I just take a crap on your face?

Sometime last week I awoke from a pleasant Sunday slumber with a bout of minor back arghhh. A twinge of pain, a spasm of ache, but nothing too bad, I ignored it and hopped onto the bike and popped to … Continue reading

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Are you a criminal?

So I was in delightful Bristoltown at the weekend to take in a boat trip, spy some balloon and imbibe some local booze in the form of cider. A good night was had by all and rest was forth coming … Continue reading

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Change! No, it seems we can’t!

Nothing is more likely to send someone into a rage as change. Not just any kind of change mind you. Some change is great, a change of bed sheets is ace, a change of salary, in the upward direction, is … Continue reading

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Bus hag.

In my state of continued mild addledness I thought it better to get the nice warm bus to work again today. What a woeful error, for the more you use the chav wagon, the more chance there is to be … Continue reading

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The internet is dead.

That’s it people, the internet is no longer useful, we might as just stop the whole thing now and shut it down. We can use the soon to be empty internet tubes to pipe maple syrup into everyone’s home to … Continue reading

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Yes…. I am sure.

I made the mistake of visiting Tescos today whilst shopping in Ealingtown. Well, you might say two mistakes, firstly entered the vile place, secondly I selected some non-alcoholic booze from the shelf, but I have a good reason for the … Continue reading

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Police marksmen wanted.

Dogs are universally recognised by all right thinking people as being terrible animals. That’s a given, but like all things, within each group there are still levels of disdain with which things should be treated, some should be shot on … Continue reading

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Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.

There are several things you don’t want to experience whilst staggering about Ealingtown catastrophically hung over from the previous night’s Gin bender. One of those is being asked to spare 5 minutes for charity, luckily this was not a problem … Continue reading

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Crocs and socks, yeah.

One, youth, learn to damn well speak or at least if you must talk before gaining the basic skills in communication at least don’t speak loudly on buses into your stupid mobile phones about absolute crap. Also punctuation does not … Continue reading

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